Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think I just shit out all my problems.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
