it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
