The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
