mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
