Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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