she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
