The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize