she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
