wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
