You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
