I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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