the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
