I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
worst night to have a conscience
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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