Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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