We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm bleeding and have questions
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
