I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
