Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
