I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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