just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
