You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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