Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
