Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
