The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
