It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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