I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
where am i from again
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
