i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
