and you said cock pushups were impossible
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize