You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
operation have a gay friend backfired
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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