it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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