I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
