The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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