cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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