Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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