What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
