Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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