How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ugly people sure do ruin things
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
