no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
