I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize