finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
