i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
