I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
