I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
