I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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