Define "chronic" masturbator.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
