I'm lost and stupid without you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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