since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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