i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Never joke about your clitoris.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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