The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
