You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
