she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
