It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
