would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
