i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I need a beard to bite.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
