The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
