When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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