I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My life is pants optional.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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