Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
