census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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