Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I had to cum in my sink.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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