Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
