What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
