I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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