i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
