I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
