the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
