So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
