I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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