a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
